I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
