My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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