i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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