So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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