you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
