I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
