Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
