D3 body, D1 cock
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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