so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
