You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
