Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
