So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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