oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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