i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
