1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
