Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
