Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
