I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
where am i from again
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
