I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
