I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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