he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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