We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
