just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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