I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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