if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
