Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
