Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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