Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize