well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
