You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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