the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
