Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
