What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
