doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
