this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
