okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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