i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
