I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
