It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
