you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
