apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Two words: blizzard sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
