I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
