i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
