Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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