oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
