Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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