I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Porn is love you can see.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
