The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize