I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
