Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
