why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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