I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I could fuck to npr.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
