i jhust puked up my retainher.
In America we eat man semen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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