Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
