Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
