Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
