hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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