it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
