Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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