i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
