I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
